I’m Ric Browde and I ask you not for my sake,
but for your own good health and fortune to purchase a copy of my novel, While I’m Dead...Feed The Dog.
Most authors would smugly urge you
to buy their book not because they give a rat's ass
about you, but because they know if they get you to fall off your wallet they may be able to scrape just enough dough to get their mistress that
tit job they always wish she had.
But me I'm different. I care about you in
a way that no other author has ever cared about his reader.
That's why I'm making the following promise.
I guarantee that anyone who buys "While I'm Dead Feed
The Dog" will have immortality or double their money back!
That's right, you read it correctly. I will cheerfully
refund double their money to anyone who dies after purchasing
this fine novel.
This is a non-transferable offer with no small print attached...so
you can leave your weasel-faced lawyer at home. If you croak
and bought my book you're covered; be it by murder,
plague, self inflicted wound, heart attack even terminally
stupid acts like voting for a Republican or using your hairdryer while you're sitting in a pool of water. All you have to do is prove
that you're deceased and then personally bring your
receipt for "While I'm Dead...Feed The Dog" and ask
my publisher for a refund, and he'll gladly fork over
double your money back on the spot - No questions asked.
Would any other other author be so brave? I don't
see Stephen King, Michael Crichitin, L. Ron Hubbard, Ann
Ryce, or J.D. Salinger putting their money where their mouth
is when making any such offers. Let's face it even
the guys who wrote the Bible aren't willing to make
you any promises when it comes to kicking the old bucket.
Just think. You won't have to waste any more money
on vitamins and eating all those vegetables which you can't
stand because your mother told you it would help you live
longer. Have another piece of cake, wash it down with a
fifth of Jack Daniels, forget "Don't say no" and say "yes"...because you're covered.
The Grim Reaper has lost your address.
Think of my novel as the best and cheapest life insurance
policy ever and make sure that all your friends relatives
and even your pet dog, Rover are protected by getting them
to buy their own copies of "While I'm Dead Feed The
I'll be thinking of you while I'm driving over
to the plastic surgeon to pick out my mistress' new