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Immortality or double your money back!
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Hi, I’m Ric Browde and I ask you not for my sake, but for your own good health and fortune to purchase a copy of my novel, While I’m Dead...Feed The Dog.

Most authors would smugly urge you to buy their book not because they give a rat's ass about you, but because they know if they get you to fall off your wallet they may be able to scrape just enough dough to get their mistress that tit job they always wish she had.

But me I'm different. I care about you in a way that no other author has ever cared about his reader. That's why I'm making the following promise. I guarantee that anyone who buys "While I'm Dead Feed The Dog" will have immortality or double their money back! That's right, you read it correctly. I will cheerfully refund double their money to anyone who dies after purchasing this fine novel.

This is a non-transferable offer with no small print attached...so you can leave your weasel-faced lawyer at home. If you croak and bought my book you're covered; be it by murder, plague, self inflicted wound, heart attack even terminally stupid acts like voting for a Republican or using your hairdryer while you're sitting in a pool of water. All you have to do is prove that you're deceased and then personally bring your receipt for "While I'm Dead...Feed The Dog" and ask my publisher for a refund, and he'll gladly fork over double your money back on the spot - No questions asked.

Would any other other author be so brave? I don't see Stephen King, Michael Crichitin, L. Ron Hubbard, Ann Ryce, or J.D. Salinger putting their money where their mouth is when making any such offers. Let's face it even the guys who wrote the Bible aren't willing to make you any promises when it comes to kicking the old bucket.

Just think. You won't have to waste any more money on vitamins and eating all those vegetables which you can't stand because your mother told you it would help you live longer. Have another piece of cake, wash it down with a fifth of Jack Daniels, forget "Don't say no" and say "yes"...because you're covered. The Grim Reaper has lost your address.

Think of my novel as the best and cheapest life insurance policy ever and make sure that all your friends relatives and even your pet dog, Rover are protected by getting them to buy their own copies of "While I'm Dead Feed The Dog".

I'll be thinking of you while I'm driving over to the plastic surgeon to pick out my mistress' new breasts.

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